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And, unfortunately, I am one of those people who really need nine hours sleep. I know it got to the point where all I did was work, come home late for dinner, have a drink, eat whatever Lean Cuisine Winston had heated or takeaway I had picked up, and sleep. And get up the next morning and do it all again. My mother’s generation grew up to be like their mothers. Girls of my generation grew up to be like their fathers. Or exceeded them, as I did. I don’t deny that I take satisfaction that I made it to the top, while my father never rose above the middle. And perhaps partly it was that being back here alone for the first couple of months, except for those weekends he arranged to fly to Boston, I fell back into my old pattern. Sex didn’t play much part in my first marriage. And I can’t say I really missed it then. Meeting one another changed both our lives, but Winston’s more than mine. His flying days were almost over anyway. He was due to retire in a year and simply moved the date. I wonder many a time, Is it true that the love between a man and woman exists as described in romantic novels. Is the relationship between man and woman, be a marriage or having extramarital affair is a convenient arrangement to satisfy mutual physical desires. I realize like most of the women that having c***dren in marriage is not a sign of having good and satisfying sex. I learned to live without romance, having my physical and psychological desires unfulfilled.Many women experience similar phenomenon and stay married for the sake of c***dren and society. Some may opt for divorce and remarriage. I am not young, I cannot think of remarriage at this age, Even if I opt for remarriage, there is no possibility that I get a man who can love me and satisfy my desires. Even if I remarry to a man elder to me, how can my desires be fully satisfied? I am having so many thoughts confusing and conflicting. The society do not appreciate and approve remarriage at my age, having young.
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