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Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut next month from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.!) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They. .. the most hellish few days I can ever remember," he admitted, "I've just about fried my brain by keeping it running too hot for the past few days, because there's just too many tasks to get done. I've got another rough patch coming up, so right now, in this brief bit of quiet before the storm, I'd really like to do something that will let me relax and forget about all the shit that has come before and is coming up." He shrugged, "I meant what I said earlier. You two are my closest and best friends here, and I'm really glad we still have that," he raised his eyebrows to make it a question, and was relieved when both girls nodded. "I like having you for friends, that would be true even if you both weren't as good in bed as you are. I mean ... damnit I'm normally smoother than this..." The sound of gears grinding in his head was makinh it ache. The chip doesn't even have fucking gears, he mentally grumbled, rubbing his temples."Aw, honey," Cynthia said sympathetically, standing and.
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