“What the heck are you doing Mick?” says Paddy. “Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me”, says an obviously embarrassed Mick, “but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.I took a bird back to mine for sex last night. After some complaints for the first five minutes like,”Stop, you’re too big!” And,”Please No, you’re really hurting me now!” The fat cow eventually rolled off me and let me go on top.As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, “Can you not just go out and have a couple of fucking drinks?”“Of course I can,” I replied, standing back up. “Just let me get my coat.When my precious little dog fell in the river Mersey, a German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved him.Upon getting back on the pier, he checked my puppy out and said, “Ze dog is ok, he vill be fine.”Out of curiosity I asked, “Are you a vet?”He. And I dumped them after about a month of putting up with their excuses. The third one, Rick, was absolutely great in bed, at least seven or eight inches long, and he knew how to use it. He looked great with me too. Until I found out that the bastard was sleeping around at a party we went to. That was three weeks ago, and I had dropped him like a rock, making sure he sank. But the results of that decision were coming home to roost, three weeks without getting laid, three weeks with only my fingers to cool me off, and that was only when I knew I could get away with it, when I knew that mom or Dad or one of the twins wasnt going to burst into my room to tell me about chores or take our Dalmatian, Billy for a walk, or something else I didnt care about. I mean seriously, who cares about who got what colour penalty in whatever macho sport they were watching? Just more proof that all guys have balls for brains, the number of them it takes to follow one around a field for an hour, not to.
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