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”“Are you going to learn too?”“Why? I drive just fine,” I said.“I was thinking if you took the school, too, I wouldn’t drive better than you,” he said. “Although ... it wouldn’t take much.”“What?”“Mom ... when there’s four people in the car ... do you look at the ones in the backseat when you talk to them?”“It’s the polite thing to do,” I said. “You’re supposed to look at the people you talk to.”“It’s extremely impolite to put their lives in danger ... and you do it all the time.”“I do not, Charles William,” I said. “Oh ... look at the pretty horses.”The rumble strips in the asphalt went rumble rumble. I corrected. “I wish they wouldn’t put those there ... it’s very distracting.”“No doubt about it ... I need a Jesus bar,” Chuck said. “I read in Popular Mechanics about California designing the rumble strips to sound like ‘Watch it Watch it Watch it.’”“That sounds like something California would do.”“Tell you what, mom ... I’ll do it if you take a test drive with a safety instructor.”“I. "It won't change when you marry," he said. "It will be worse. She will own you, not the other way around."Suddenly I knew he was right. I could see years of slavery in front of me. A slave to those tits with no hope of ever touching them, forever teased and tormented. "I'm making a big mistake, aren't I?" I said. "I have to get out while I still can!" No, no," he said. "It would have been a mistake if you had not come here. I can help you." How?" I asked. He reached down and unlocked a jewellery cabinet. From the cabinet he pulled out a beautiful diamond ring. It had a large stone in its centre and a number of other diamonds surrounding it. "This," he said, "is the ring of no refusal. When she wears it she will be unable to refuse any command you give her. You say jump, she jumps. You say cook, she cooks. You say suck..."I laughed out loud. I realised the old man had been teasing me this whole time. There was no such thing as a ring that changed people. "Good story," I said. "You.
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