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” “I’m really good at it. Please doctor. Let me suck your cock. I won’t tell anybody you did this. You’d really be doing me a favor. My husband won’t have sex with me. Just let me suck your cock and then I’ll go. I promise not to tell anybody. Pretty please?” “I don’t think this is a good idea. What if one of my nurses walked in? I’m sorry there's just too much at risk.” “I’ll lock the door and nobody will even know. I’m pretty sure you’ll like my blow job. Just let me do this one thing. If you’re not into it, I’ll get dressed and leave. How about it?” Dr. Carrington looked very nervous. I got up and locked the door and I planted a kiss on his mouth. I pushed my tongue through his mouth. I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. I pulled his pants down to his shoes and continued kissing him. I held his cock in my hands and tugged and pulled at it. He was finally kissing me and helped me out of my gown. He played with my breasts while I played with his cock. After I played with. The guilt builds up and conflates with an intense shame.“Boys and men don’t dress up in stockings and women’s underwear and masturbate.” “Why does feeling all girlie and effeminate feel so good?”“I must be some kind of depraved pervert, a queer, a fag”. “What would she say, and do, if she caught you?”You start to develop dark imagery of being caught, exposed and humiliated. They fill you with intense fear but, through constant association with the sensual and emotional girlie pleasures you’re immersed in, and the erotic ecstasy of pleasuring yourself and slowly bring yourself to climax, they conflate into a kind of dark fantasy which arouses you. After you’ve climaxed, with the erotic arousal spent, you suddenly see yourself not as the girl you’d created for yourself in your own mind, but as kind of warped deviant dressed in women’s clothes. You feel disgusted with yourself. The shame and guilt are still there, but without the erotic rush. You discard the stockings, high heels and.
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