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She sighs, it's only a matter of time that her hair will fall out and her skin will be blotchy. Her perfect shape and perfectly portioned features will soon vanish as she becomes sicker from chemo. She looks away from her future and changes into a blue hoodie and some ripped jeans. She lays on the bed and stares out into the grand mahogany ceiling until her phone brings her back to life. It's Chase!Slowly, she answers, "Hi Honey." She's holding her breath "Hi Kitten, listen I'm going to be home in a few minutes. Our meeting ended early."Normally, when Chase tells Star he's leaving work early, she's ecstatic! Like a puppy with no off button. But today it just washes more waves of her anxiety wash over her."See you soon then." She hangs up before he could get in another word. She brings the mail downstairs and sets the table. The chef had made pot roast, one of Star's least favorites.She can hear the valet say, "Welcome home, Master Bruno."Chase walks through the grand doors to our. Ryan, our youngest child and only son, my little boy, was gone. I held his limp form against my chest tightly, rocking back and forth in the chair automatically, not sure who or what that rocking motion was supposed to comfort or ease…in any case, it didn’t work. But then, in that moment, nothing could. Barbara was holding our now crying daughters, trying to get emotionally ahold of herself enough to comfort and tend to them as I absorbed the full shock of this most unwelcome and unexpected, devastating news. I kissed his head as I cried and sobbed. He was still warm as if alive to my reassurance-seeking lips, the warmth of him giving my stunned brain some temporary false hope that this awful moment’s news was all some sort of horrid mistake. I soon gathered enough control of myself to ask his CICU nurse, who was still standing by right with us, some of her own tears running down her face at the tableau before her, what had happened. She haltingly explained that she had observed Ryan.
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