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"I'll tell you," she said, "I'm having a good time, despite the circumstances. It's like an adventure ... a vacation from the ordinary." That's what a vacation is," I replied, "a change of aggravations." She smiled and made a little laugh. "I don't think I've seen you smile like that since I've been here." I don't smile much these days." You lead a pretty lonely life, don't you? I can see it in your face." Is it really so obvious?" I can smell the bread already." Mmm ... I love how baking bread perfumes a house," she said."Perfumes ... That's the word for it" Does Sarah bake bread?" Hell no -- she burns water." I think they're about done. They should cool fast."She took the loaves from the oven and flipped them out of the pans. "Let's leave the oven door open for the heat," she said.I fed more wood onto the fire. "It's quite comfy here, now," Andrea said."That was a wonderful lunch," I replied, "the bread and cheese." I sat on the sofa and she sat beside me. "Andrea -- I need to know.. ” “I don’t love it that much.” We laughed. It felt good - normal - to tease and banter with her, the person that brings so much laughter, joy, and light to my life. At that moment it didn’t feel like I had assaulted her, or had wanted to hurt her the way I had so much - even if so briefly - the night before. I knew, and she didn’t. It was that simple, and I needed to find a way to live with it, because I would never tell her. Never. I couldn’t tell her; first, because I was much too ashamed of myself, appalled and horrified by what I had done, and second, because if she ever knew that she’d called out Derek’s name at such a critical moment – and the pain it had caused me – she would be so terribly remorseful, embarrassed, and ashamed of herself. I didn’t want that. I had decided, while laying awake most of the night, that “Davey” and Derek”, both starting with the letter ‘D’, were easy to confuse; it had been a simple, natural error, and that was all, and I’d overreacted I finished.
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