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" "What was the question?" she asked "I asked what was I going to do with my life? Where would I go? What would I do? And then I asked: What should I do about this internal struggle about who I was? That's when you popped in." Yes, that's when I said why don't you ask Deanna?"As we relived the past talking about the fact that perhaps if I had moved to San Francisco instead of going to Chicago I may have sped up the process of transitioning but I wouldn't have enjoyed the other things that going to Chicago provided. It was in Chicago that I married, had children, and a career, but continually fought the dilemma of my other life. Deanna cautioned me stating that my journey was not over and that it would take a lifetime. A lifetime filled with real and rich experiences. She reminded me that there would also be heartache, and doubt. I would find rejection from those that loved me, and that it would be my own determined spirit that would ultimately reap the reward of total self-. With as much authority as I could muster, caught in this vulnerable position, I whispered: “I know you are there.” There was no response. Then, as if an apparition, I saw a hand crossing over my shoulder as if to caress me. Gripping it fiercely, I spun around and stared directly into the face of the intruder; the blood draining from my face as I saw who it was. “My, my. Aren’t you forceful?” She purred. Disarmed by her words, stung by her mockery, I merely grimaced in return. Lucinda. The very epitome of my sweaty desire, the singular entity in this wretched world that actually provided some measure of relief from discontent stood before me. I lunged at her, gripping her face between my hands and kissing her passionately. At first she recoiled, and I feared that perhaps I had been too rough or presumptuous; ruing my hastiness in such a delicate matter. The relief I felt when she merely made a move to remove her top was indescribable. The smooth texture of her lips, velvet.
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