It takes a few minutes to put it in the player in the TV room and get it all set up. Sam is squirming in Kathryns lap she so excited she cant sit still. Kathryn is almost as bad and I feel her impatience. The video starts and I quickly take my seat beside Kathryn and Sam. Sam leans back against me still setting in Kathryns lap. The video begins as a pan around the crowd focusing on me for a moment as I stand there nervously. They move off of me and in the background I see Sam being held by Lester and Nicole by their side. I point out to Sam and she says, There are old Mommy and that asshole Lester. Daddy Lester was so cruel to me he hurt me a lot. With compassion in my voice I say, Im sorry Sam I couldnt stop them, if I could have I would have. If I had known I wouldve tried. I can never hurt you like Lester. Looking up into my face Sam says, I know that Daddy, you love me. Lester never did. Theres no mean in you, I think Lester only had mean in him. The music starts and the doors. They were so lucky to have something like this. Mat seemed excited about the hot tub mostly, but me Im all about the bed. Once I laied down and closed my eyes I seen images of Mikashi, this man was haunting me and I still cant believe hes dead. I cant believe he died trying to find me. The guilt was unbearable. Mat laied next to me and smiled. you ok? he asked. yeah doesnt seem like it I know, Im just tired and I cant fall asleep I can fix that he said sounding so sure. He rubbed my head and began singing to me. In your heart, if I disappear along with all these snowflakes I want to bloom [in your heart once again] Dont forget the warmth of us being close together, and hugging Dont forget even if you love someone else Ill never let go [of the memory] of when I heard your voice last and so ..I just want to fall into a deep sleep he isnt the greatest singer, but I love that song(Gackt: last song *translated from Japanese*). My eyes closed and I drifted off. Never Look Back: When I.
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