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Leaving us well and truly empty nesters, as our son John had headed off to college the preceding fall.My own thoughts and feelings might have been a veritable swirling vortex of confusion, but at that moment my single thought was to comfort the woman I loved, and let her know I didn’t think less of her in any way for the confession she’d just made or the thoughts she was having.“Jill, honey. Don’t be silly. Of course, I don’t think you’re a terrible woman for having such thoughts. You’re only flesh and blood. It’s only human to sometimes wonder about these things. To wonder about what it would be like with someone else. And anyway, I’m hardly going to be the one to condemn you, when I’ve been having similar thoughts myself. How would that work then? I’d have to tattoo a big red ‘H’ for hypocrite on my forehead if I thought less of you.”Jill smiled a smile that melted my heart and kissed me. Ever since our first days together, I couldn’t bear to see Jill hurt or upset and I felt a. All my anger had dissipated. Once again that anger had risen in me. Once again I had gone off at the deep end and if I did it much more it would drown what relationship we had. Now I recalled the photo's and the videos. All that love. Was that why I got so angry? That it had all been taken away, ruined? What did she say?'This is inside you. I did what any wife would do. What do I have to do?'She was right. I recognised suddenly how much she was trying to win me back. How much she loved me. Every time she did it I knocked her back. How stupid! I did love her but this god-forsaken anger would keep rising every time we got close.I rang her back and when she answered I burst into tears and between the heaving and the sobbing, apologised over and over and babbled on and on about my troubles and this wild and untamed anger which I could not seem to be able to control. What else I said I can't remember, but it can't have been coherent. After some time, I ground to a halt.She said, "OK, but.
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