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Now I dreamed of meeting someone who was not intimidated by my strength, but accepted it; someone who could deal with me being in charge, making decisions, giving me his opinions and not orders.I looked over at Billy and thought, 'Could you be that type of man? I know you are aroused by my physical strength, but could you deal with me being the one in charge of our lives. You're only seventeen; could you fall in love with an older woman like me? Maybe, maybe not, but I think at the very least we could help each other experience the physical side of love. I really want to be with a man, experience the feelings of making love to someone for the first time, knowing that person is experiencing the same feelings for the first time as well. Could I seduce him? Would that be even necessary; after all he's a teenage virgin; or would he be repulsed at the thought of being with me? Maybe I should just ask him?'All these thoughts were going through my head as we headed down the Interstate.. I knew that Lisa at least made good on her commitment to keep working out. I occasionally saw her in the fitness center. At first, I let her be so as to give her some space. Then I let her be because it was just awkward otherwise.Over time, we reached something of a mutual, unspoken agreement with each other. If I went to work out and saw her already there, I left and came back another time. Likewise, if I got there first, she came back another time. But we didn’t talk to each other.In “The Shawshank Redemption”, Morgan Freeman’s character says that hope is a dangerous thing, that it can drive a man insane. Those times when we saw each other in the fitness center, or getting the mail, or just passing in the hall, helped me to understand the implications of that line. Every time we saw each other, we seemed to have a “moment” that offered just the faintest ray of hope. There was always a look that crossed her face when she saw me, a look that allowed me to believe, for just a moment,.
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