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Gary went out of town every week to car auctions in bordering states, we live in Oklahoma. One night I was in the mood for a little partying so I got dressed up and went to a bar not far from where I lived. Looking back I realize that I'd drunk way too much. I danced all night and had sex with a guy in the back seat of my car. And after that night I was hooked on the excitement.I started going out one night a week, usually Thursday, when John was out of town. Sometimes I had sex with guys, sometimes I didn't. I loved the attention, the excitement of not knowing what would happen, and the dancing too. I loved it when the guys would fondle me, especially in front of their friends, and I really enjoyed teasing the guys. Over a period of time I became "hooked" on the aggressive type of guy. I think I craved a strong man, which Gary wasn't, somehow it excited me to be treated roughly by a strong man. If a guy I was dancing with was a proper gentleman -- or not very aggressive I'd soon lose. You're nervous. You smoke until you cough like you had T.B. Please, Allen, tell me?"He slumped heavily on the bed, pushing his face into his hands."I can't, Gwen. I can't. I don't know myself. I don't know why I keep thinking about it." About what?" Her voice was timid and shaky. She still remembered the pain when he had hit her that night, and instinctively reached up to touch the aching bruise."I don't want to talk about it, Gwen. A man has to work some things out for himself. Don't you understand? Are all women bitches? Nosy, sniveling bitches?"He faced her, his hands balling at his sides, his eyes burning."Women," he spat. "All you think about is killing. Vicious little cunts attacking a man, ripping him to pieces with needling questions, prying into his private life. Leave me alone, Goddamnit. Leave me alone!"Her hand shaking, Gwen turned the light off and waited for him to continue his pacing. She felt the bed sag and his hand press against her leg. He was mumbling something.
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