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Travis recalled from his only Poli. Sci. course that Hunter Thompson had remarked back in 1972 that if God were to give the world an enema, he would insert it in East St. Louis. The only other claim to fame of this seedy hole was the strip joint Larry Flint owned that launched his career as publisher of "Hustler" magazine. Nothing much had changed and the town was still a pit of poverty and sex for sale in various pathetically conventional forms."Are you sure?" Travis asked as he slowed down for the ramp."She is close. Her aura is nearby and it is undeniable. What is this place?"Travis went through the recitation of the ignoble past of the town. When he brought her up to date he was reminded of his first days with Anya, "Remember the porno movie and your reaction to it? How you labeled the actors as soulless. East St. Louis is one of those places where the soulless gather. This is not a safe place to be, especially after dark."Already the shadows were lengthening as the sun moved. I didn’t know whether my tears fell for Rhiannon and Joe and their new baby or whether they fell for me. If my body hadn’t betrayed me I’d be a mother too, like Rhiannon was now. I’d have two children to love and nurture. If my body hadn’t betrayed me, I wouldn’t be alone. I dropped to my knees and let the sobs take me. The harder I cried the more I knew it was for the babies that I’d lost. Both miscarriages happened early in my unplanned pregnancies. I’d been ecstatic to discover I was expecting while Harry’s response had been lukewarm at best. With him between jobs, he had been worried about how we would stretch our finances to cover three. Or so he claimed. It wasn’t until my second miscarriage that I noticed how relieved Harry seemed. If he felt a tinge of loss at all, he never showed it. I cried in a way I hadn’t since then, big, heaving sobs which shook my body. I kept quiet though, afraid Nate would hear me. This was my own private grief, and it wasn’t one I was ready to.
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