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The girls deserved a better Mom than me." I wish I could change, sweetheart. I want to be the woman you always wanted as your wife. I have gone down this road too long to change now. There simply isn't time to change the way I wish I could for you, even if I could." Please don't grieve for me too long, Patrick. There are too many people around you that love you. Don't hurt them the way I have hurt you. Be there for the girls. You have been Mom and Dad to them for so long. I know you can keep doing it." Patrick, dear, I am making these disks because I know I will die soon. I cannot explain it, but I know I will. I have often been able, since I was a little girl, to know ahead of time when big changes are coming in my life. I know this is coming. I thought about telling you, and trying to stop it, but I can't. I can't because, somehow, I know that my dying will save your life. I don't know how, but I know it will. I'm glad to do that for you, my dear. I've taken so much from you, and. I guess I'll have to try and be optimistic too."It was a quiet ride back to the house.Two days before I was scheduled to be in Seattle, my leg cast came off. It felt strange at first. The plastic, breathable cast had prevented my skin from deteriorating, but there was some loss of muscle mass. I walked gingerly around on it at first until I got used to the feeling of having a sock and shoe on my left foot once more. My wrist cast had been removed a week earlier and x-rays indicated it had healed properly. I wore an elastic support on it for now.I wish I could say I was optimistic when I left for Seattle with Ali. I had doubts that this surgeon could make me whole again in appearance. I had looked up Dr. Sylvan on the internet and sure enough, he was very highly regarded in his profession. All I could do was hand myself over to his care and wait for the results."We're going to do some skin peels, Mr. Rideout," Dr. Sylvan told me. "I have some pictures of other patients where I have.
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