If I let it go, I would die within 6 months. It showed signs ofspreading to the lymph nodes under my arms and surgery could more thanlikely destroy the muscles under my arm. I had a lot of thinking to doand I really didn't want to think about it. My father had died of coloncancer twelve years ago so I had always feared that I would go his routeto death. I wasn't ready to die, I had only been a woman for fourteenyears and I couldn't resign myself to dying right then. But then again, I couldn't see myself living with a severely scarredbody like I could possibly have soon if I had the surgery that could ridme of the cancer. I had little time to think about anything else. I hadto make a decision in the next twenty-four hours or it might be toolate. As it was, I would be looking forward to months of chemo-therapyand radiation treatments to try to kill the cancer growing in my body. I got home after a long bus ride. Normally, I would drive myself but Ifelt that I needed a break from. * * * * ‘What color are my eyes, Nick?’ Emily suddenly blurted out. Her eyes weren’t turned to Nick, sitting beside her on the small set of bleachers in the tent beside the Wabash River, though. They were plastered to the wire running overhead halfway between the ground and the curve of the tent ceiling, where a young woman was nervously and gingerly making her way across a tight rope. This wasn’t a big, professional circus like had wintered here in Peru, Indiana, in the heyday of the town. This was the tail end of the third-week-in-July Peru Amateur Circus festival that celebrated the era of the big circus. The emphasis here was on the word ‘amateur.’ The girl on the tightrope didn’t look like she was going to make it across. She was an amateur at it, though. This unabashedly was a circus for amateur performers. She had a net under her, so the thrill of the danger just wasn’t there. At least it wasn’t there for most of those on the bleachers in the tent, although they were.
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