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I’d watch with a mix of amusement and pity as the other guys in the gym lined up to use the equipment closest to Mom’s treadmill. They would stare mesmerized as Mom’s jugs bounced up and down beneath her exercise top. I couldn’t blame them really; I made sure I got a good eyeful too. It also made me feel a little less weird about wanting to screw my own stepmother.I can remember being the envy of the entire weights section one morning when Mom came over to me and asked if I could show her how to do crunches on the Swiss medicine ball. Most of the visitors didn’t realize we knew each other. Every eye in the room was transfixed by Mom’s body. Her chest was heaving, as the strapping, preppy-looking college kid held her thighs firmly in place for a few reps. I almost felt proud as we left the gym together.After that, the touching and the feeling became more frequent. It started with technique, but quickly turned into pressing and squeezing. I’d be driving us home from the gym and Mom. “I am a stockholder.”“Evidently, you’ve never read my lease,” I said. I fished out my phone and called Security. “Alan. I have an offensive trespasser I want removed from my garage.“Yeah ... I can ... it’s in my lease.”I disconnected.“Security is on the way,” I said and turned my back on the idiot. He laid hands on me.Serious mistake.“Don’t turn your back on me,” he said. “I’m not through with you.”He had a bodyguard ... fat lot of good that did. Instead of one perpetrator there were two ... and they were extremely easy for Security to remove.Unconscious people can’t object.The bodyguard was armed with a handgun that Mr. Pretentious had bought. The bodyguard was not in possession of a valid firearms license and an ex-felon to boot; and that brought in the New South Wales State Police. It’s not that hiring an ex-felon was illegal ... the state would love to see rehabilitation in action ... it was hiring an ex-felon and then arming him with a weapon that was the sour apple in a bunch.
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