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* Four months ago. What good is it that I throw out my mirror with the garbage when his herd is surrounded by mirrors anyway? Walls, ceiling – even floor. The only way I can avoid looking myself in my face, decaying from pain and a generous consumption of Vicodin, is to close my eyes. I live my life with closed eyes. * Two weeks ago. Hope. The doctor has taken me to the side, his young eyes – he is not older than I am – nervous, and he keeps his voice muted. ‘Cut down on fatty food, no excitement for a while and for God’s sake make sure that he sleeps at least six hours per night. And stay alert: Any numbness in the left arm needs immediate attention let alone chest pains.’ A new hope, indeed. This afternoon, I will start working out. Time to shape up – soon I’ll be on the market. * This morning, he outran me. For two years, I have managed to stay faster in the track and why should I not? Age should make a difference. But no, he seems to grow younger every day whereas I seem to. B. An oxymoron.C. A moron.8. Foreplay is to sex as:A. An appetizer is to an entree.B. Primer is to paint.C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.B. Is uptight and a waste of time.C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.Evaluating Results:If you answered A more than 7 times, check inside your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.If you answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!ChucklesAn Elementary School Teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders,.
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