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I wasn’t thinking that.”“Well, that’s where your ‘but’ sounded like it was going.”“No. You’re… I didn’t… Of course you have plans. Everybody has plans. You just never talk about anything like that.”“Yeah, well,” she said. “I’m private.”We sat in simmering silence then. I felt deflated, embarrassed, and a little bit angry—the way people do when something shameful about them is exposed. The cheaters, the hypocrites… caught in their lies, they bare their teeth. Peevishly, I thought, I should just leave now. Go to Eleanor Kaminski’s and bang the shit out of her for a couple hours, then go home and fall into bed. But the idea struck me as sad, emptying. The emotional swing from what I’d felt just mere moments earlier—happy, content—was so violent, so sudden, that I began to cry.“Hey,” said Sally, jumping up and getting in front of me. “Hey, College, hey…”She put her skinny arms around me, squeezed me so tight I thought I might hear her bones snap, or mine. I felt her hard edges dig into. I had to dismiss the theory that it would refer to his work in Engineering as he is still, technically, no longer part of this crew and if our kiss impacted him has much as it impacted me, I would severely doubt that repairing the ship's damaged systems was the foremost thought in his mind. Exchanging such intimacy in the corridor is highly unseemly but for reasons that elude my understanding I do not experience guilt and I chose to justify my decision with the fact that, were I human, it would not be considered unseemly, if perhaps somewhat indiscreet.It has taken an unfortunately long time and the disagreeable separation through his departure to Columbia until I finally gained the understanding that my attempts at denying my obvious affection for the ship's chief engineer are without logic. I have no doubt, were he here, Charles would now impertinently interrupt me and offer his unsolicited notice that I even have the mating bond to show for it.Our bond is still in its infancy, yet.
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