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.. They will know this, and I will for that short time live among them as normal, but they will look at me strangely, not fully understanding..Can you understand that I want to explain to them my desires, as I explain them to you now ? I want them (and you) to know that it will be a wonderful gift for me to be killed – it may seem very strange to some but I imagine if you are reading this then you are some way already to understanding me...Can you understand that I want with all my heart to stand before you and say 'thank you... thank you for killing me, thank you for letting me be what I need to be... thank you for allowing me to be the animal, the cow, the meat that I am so deep down... thank you for letting me show myself to you... it feels so good that you know this about me now...I am not like other people – I don't need or want to live like a normal human... I should be treated like a toy, a walking, talking (if you desire it), moving willing sex slave and the most atrocious. I wonder if the words I use in my logs or in conversation will dampen my strong feelings about this horrendously wrong way of dealing with Native People.My research also uncovered hundreds of cases of maltreatment of some local population by another, militarily stronger group. Why, then, focus on the Native American situation? Perhaps it is because I have a 'connection' to some of them, whereas I had no connection to coal miners in Appalachia or the Inuit people. Perhaps it is because I can see a very real chance of success.There are a significant number of Natives on the BIA boards, and yet, as recently as the previous administration, they made shockingly anti-Native rulings. Perhaps these individuals were motivated by fear or greed or personal ambition. I cannot understand human motivations, when they diverge from sensible, logical choices. The fact that Native Americans were partially running the BIA would complicate the task of eliminating the BIA from Navajo affairs. The matter.
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