.....What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted. One day Istarted hitting on one and he was like what the fuck are you doing I toldhim nothing. I went to the storage room to get some refreshments readyfor an event that was happening, Gus followed me to the storage room andI said what do you want he said water I told him no. and he said why Isaid I will give u all the water you want after you strip for me and letme suck your dick.I couldn't help but grin my mind going straight to the gutter "welldepends on how good you are at it.... in your case probably about 30seconds.. 42 if you're lucky..." As I nudged him with an elbowAnd then.... he kissed me so softly his tongue just passing myLips and barely touching mine, then he pulled back sharply. I had a lookof surprise on my face I could feel it, I just stared at him, his was alook of shock and fear, which soon turned to terror as he quickly beganto apologize and explain how he didn't mean to do it and it'd neverhappen again and how sorry he was.. He started to turn away I heard.
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