"You'll tell me that it takes afriend ..." You followed me so far, already. I thought you'd like to follow me there.No. There's not many friends who would do that for you. But I'm the friendyou knows you for what you are." For what I am?" I felt my voice begin to rise. "And you know that? Youknow it so much better than I do?"She smiled."Maybe I do," she said. "I know you followed me this far. I didn't forceyou anywhere, I just pointed to the way to go."She laid her hand a second on my cheek, and gently pushed so that I sawthe bedroom door."I know you liked it. Just as I did, when it was my time to try. Just as Ido now. Just as I liked every step that led me there, and that youfollowed, following me. You think I don't know you? Let's put me to thetest."She stood and yanked me to my feet. She pushed her face to mine, andkissed, one held held us tight together, the other tugged off my wig. Sheyanked again, a strap tugged hard, silk ripped, fell to the floor. Reachedbehind me, unclasped. Sobs, trapped for eternity in my stomach erupt through me, mouth panting my loss, chest heaving, legs trembling beneath my sorrow. Turning, I grab Claude, push my drenched face into the warmth of his chest, fling my arms around him desperate to feel his life affirming heartbeat beneath my cheek.“I miss her.”It is a tiny mew lost amongst sobs; my tear filled mouth murmuring it into the soft wool of Claude’s sweater. Over and over again I say it, repeat it, my mantra, all that I am captured in those three words. Forceful, independent me reduced to a quivering, hurting, sobbing mound of flesh deadened by loss.“I miss her.”“I miss her.”“I miss her.”“I know. I miss her too. She was …”The words catch in Claude’s throat, his stoicism infected by my emotional outpouring.It takes a while this pilgrimage; two bereft silhouettes paying homage to loss, but eventually, tear streaked and hearts aching, we turn and with heavy footsteps retrace our steps back to our patiently waiting vehicle. We had.
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