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My ex was an ex partially because I wanted kids and she didn't. Mostly she was an ex because I was a lowly teacher while her now current significant other seemed to have a bunch of bucks. I really didn't care, as it had been eight years since we split. Not a vicious split, just a "See ya, I can do better than you" from her. Since then I had nearly given up on dating. It was too disappointing, especially with my ED problem."Um, ah, Okay. I guess we could all go together. Can I help get your stuff together so we can leave?" I asked standing in front of her while she still clutched my hand.She stood, still holding on, began buttoning her blouse with one hand then spoke to her kids in French. Whatever she said was effective. All of the ones of at least five and up began picking up everything, folding blankets, assembling diaper bags, rousing sleeping little ones, cleaning up any trash. In less than two minutes everything was in back packs with all the walking kids standing looking at. I would feel guilty whenever I smirked in response to mulling it over in my mind. It was a very sad ending for her, and though she always maintained she was happy and contented, I could never stop wondering how that was truly possible. Not because she’d rejected me. Whether she had been with me or not was immaterial. The fact that she had spinstered herself away in isolation was a fact and I guess from my perspective, I couldn’t comprehend that existence as a fulfilling one. I admitted to myself that Ruth and I had engaged in some of the most creatively wild sex I’d ever known; a damned shame it was that we never broke free of the “no touch” barriers she’d established for our encounters. I wished, not for the first time, that I could somehow go back in time and knock some sense into my past self, and urge him (me) to just ignore Ruth’s resistance and push ahead, driving her out of her self-imposed safety shell and into the real world of true intimacy. The worst that could have.
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