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” Pauline stood up and pulled on my hand. I stood in front of her, speechless, as she slipped her arms around me and lifted her face, lips parted. Her face was a little flushed from the wine, but I could see in her eyes that she knew exactly what she was doing. She pulled my head lower until our lips met. The hungry probing of her tongue and the feel of her lips against mine filled my brain with conflicting emotions and sensations. I could not help but recall Joanna’s kiss and then I was in the moment and all thoughts of anything other than Pauline’s urgent kisses and the heat of her body were banished from my mind. I could feel her sinuous body through the thin silk of her caftan and it was obvious that she was naked beneath the material. The hard points of her nipples were pressed, through the cloth, against my chest and I could feel a flush of hot blood, as it rushed to her cheeks. I could smell her perfume in the hollow of her throat as she sucked on the tip of my tongue, drawing. I was sure we would end up married. Ten months later, that vision evaporated and I spend another five months nursing my broken heart. My father, when present, had skillful words of wisdom for me, and his guidance was crucial in my recovery. But it was my ever-present mother, whose kind heart and gentle manner provided much needed refuge, who truly brought me back to life. I was a junior now, starting off my second-to-last year of high school, filled with anticipation and dread for the experiences ahead. I found myself retreating from my longtime friends. I rationalized this as a natural pulling-away to make the final abandonment after graduation easier for all of us. I started to notice my mother anticipating my eventual departure from the home, and as if to stave off the despair of "empty nest syndrome", she made a point of engaging me more deliberately. We started making sure we shared meals as often as possible, and made the most of our evenings, even if only to watch pathetic.
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