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This is not what I expected.Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?Say Thanks to jimq21Lovable Inflatable Christmas LouiseAs a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true, because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids stockings were overflowed, his poor panty hose hung sadly empty.One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. Of course, they don’t sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you’ve never been in an X-rated store, don’t go. You’ll only confuse yourself. I was there almost three hours saying things like, “What does this do?” “You’re kidding me!” “Who. So I was just wondering. And if you want me to go away now, I will. But your dad is really cute.”And then I said “He's not...” but Cait jumped in and said “Single! He's not single. I mean, yes he is actually. Kind of.”“Kind of?” she said.“Yeah,” Cait said. You know...”“Does he have a girlfriend or not?” she said and I said “Yes” at the same time Cait said “No” and Karen just raised her eyebrows and Cait said “It's... complicated” and she said “Oh”.And then Cait said “Look. He's our... dad. Right? So we, you know, we care. That's all” and Karen smiled and said “I understand. Don't worry, I'll be nice.”But then when Tobey came back with a tray with four bottles of beer on it and he said “Would you like to join us?” she said “No, but thanks anyway. I really should head back to my friends. But maybe I'll see you upstairs?” and then she winked at Cait and me and walked away.And when she was gone I punched him in the shoulder and said “What the hell are you doing?” and he said “Huh? What.
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