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A deafening, heartfelt, gutteral scream that must have been heard by everyone in the neighbourhood - had I stabbed her in the heart, she might have made less noise..I brought my lips to hers to stem the noise, and then pushed a little more..I had only the head of my penis inside her, but as I tried to push further, I found her vagina resisting me, with every fraction of an inch gained provoking further cries of pain.I tried a little rhythmic motion to coax things along, but that only distressed her too..I relented, and withdrawing from the scene, we embraced silently for what seemed a long time.Maybe it was her diminutive size, or the fact that she had waited so long to lose her virginity that her vagina had settled into a contracted state - whatever, this girl had never been fucked before..I got on board one more time before we went to sleep, and gained another half inch. As we dozed off together I reckoned she'd earned the money I had for her..The next morning I got on board again,. People meant well, and their gestures of concern were genuine. But after a time it began to feel hollow. He grew tired of the smiles and head tilts, the sympathy cards, the casseroles. He found the bland solemnity of it all boring and false. Funeral directors were the worst, savants at coining bloodless euphemisms for death like “at her journey’s end,” and “in eternal rest.” She wasn’t in eternal rest. She wasn’t resting. She was just dead, and that’s what how he wanted to put it to everyone: “She is dead. She is just dead.” He wanted to close the subject quickly and honestly. If the subject stayed open, as well meaning acquaintances probed further, he’d feel an unreasonable anger began to well inside him. The script that ran through his mind was familiar: she was dead and he was angry about it, angry at her for leaving him, angry at God (if there was one) for the unfairness of it, angry at himself for taking her for granted when she was alive, angry at the doctors for being unable.
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