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..Dick Van DykeThree Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, “However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven.”The first guy comes up to the gate and says, “I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her.” So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.The next man comes up and says, “I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her.” He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.The next guy came up and said, “I cheated on my wife a lot.” He gets a scooter.Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.He asked, “Why are you crying you have such a nice car?” and the man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates.”Phone Operator: “G’day mate ... Helpline here ... What’s the problem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stung on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer:. The sounds of the men grunting in a sort of cadence and the noises of the wild animals around us filled me with apprehension about my future and I wondered what tortures I would have to withstand to have any chance at survival.It was obvious that they had stripped the chopper of anything that struck them as being interesting or of value. The fire had burned almost everything but a lot of items had fallen to the ground just like me. I noticed they also had the guns and the maps from the pilot seat and the flask of whiskey one of the researchers had secreted under his seat all of which had fallen out. We paused momentarily on the narrow trail and my pole was dropped to the ground along with me attached and I convinced them to allow me to do my business in the bushes. I hoped they didn't peek at me when I dropped my panties down but there was nothing I could do about it if they took advantage of me in that way. In fact, I could easily see I was virtually a captive slave with no other.
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