Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.-OR-You can retire to The Deep South where...1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.2 “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.5. Everything is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.”6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart” at the end!-OR-You can move to Colorado where...1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.-OR-You can retire to Nebraska. "That's 'cause you're a guy, right?"I suppose it was inevitable."Yeah, I'm a guy. I must say you don't seem very excited about it." Nah - my mom's a shrink and my dad's a social worker. A guy in a dress isn't all that strange, at least for me. You know, you don't look half bad." Thanks, Kathy. I was pretty sure you were going to figure it out. Girls your age seem to have a way of seeing through a crossdresser. I was really scared you would scream or call the police or something." Damn! I almost wished I had. Wouldn't that have flipped out mom and Aunt Caroline!" She paused and a question crossed her face. "Are you going to tell her?"I winced. "I don't think I have to tell her anything. She walked in on me and your Aunt yesterday." Cool! You weren't screwing, were you?"What was that line about the innocence of youth? This one was about as innocent as a drill sergeant, and just as tactful."Uh - no, we weren't screwing, but I had my wig and makeup off." Aww - it would have been a better.
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