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And with every passing day with no call or meaningful contact from Jill I got more and more frightened.The way I looked at it there were only three possible reasons why Jill hadn’t contacted me on Friday, or during the weekend, or now into the early part of the second week of my absence from her life.Option one was that Jill was calling my bluff, waiting for me to cave, not exactly a great thought in terms of the prospects for us. Option two was that Jill had already done her thinking and had decided that in a toss-up between me and the new men in her life, she’d rather give me up if I forced her to choose. This was the option which really scared me – as if it was true it meant my marriage was already over, it’s just I didn’t know it yet.The third option, and the only one which held out any hope for me was that Jill was taking my ultimatum seriously and was having a long hard think about what her life had become. But even this most optimistic of scenarios frightened me to death.. "I thought that I would at least loose this." They said something about your blood loss or transfusion or something, and that helped keep your arm." She looked into my eyes for several seconds. The number of tears running down her face grew. "I thought you were mad at us so you stopped coming over. I started to get mad at you because of it, because you abandoned me. I should have done more; I should have gotten the key sooner to check on you."She dropped her face into my chest and unloaded streams of wetness into my hospital gown."I'm so sorry. They said you must have been there like that for days. I made you run after Corey. I hit her, I made her run away. I caused all of this." Don't cry." The last thing I wanted her to do was cry for me. "You saved me, you found me. You gave me hope all that time, a reason to live, a reason to keep trying. The thought of you kept me over the pain." Please stop crying. Please have worked.The thought of her made me want to die, disappear, never be.
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