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" What?"Her tone was gentle. "You know you don't," she said quietly.She had me there. Deep down inside, I had to know that people who sawme, some people anyway, were seeing me for exactly what I was, and thatthere was nothing I could do about it."Fine," I said. "I'll wear the dress." Good," Lisa said."I hope that's all I have to do."Lisa didn't answer me right away. "Actually, there is," she said at last***I had no idea. First up was the bridal shower.Lisa organized the bulk of the event; it was held in our home on Saturdayafternoon. I mostly followed Lisa's lead as we greeted a dozen or so ofCarrie's invited friends, each of whom brought a gift.I wore a very pretty Laura Ashley flower print dress with a flowingskirt, three-quarter sleeves and a lovely lace bib. Lisa had to help mebutton it up the back. When Carrie arrived, she asked me if I waswearing a full slip under it; I just winked at her.These all-female settings were still somewhat alien to me, and sometimesseemed. . and for the first time in my life I thought it had a chance of actually happening.Before leaving the funeral home, I had made it quite clear that he should sell off the empty lot on the other side on my mother. I would most definitely not be wanting or needing it. I passed on providing long-term care for the gravesites as well, my mother was never much on flowers anyway and I didn't think I'd ever be returning here again. There was nothing left here that I desired to remember or feel sentimental about.Before leaving the ranch for the last and final time, I had to resist the urge to burn the place down to the ground. The bad ghosts were all inside me, not the house, I told myself. Let someone else build some happy memories living here instead. I found a realtor and signed all of the paperwork to place the ranch up for sale at a 'can't miss' bargain price. The economy was poor in the area but someone would be sure to snap it up fast. When I offered my agent an extra ten thousand.
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