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She then went back to kissing my mouth. When I didn't move away or try to resist her, she started rocking back and forth, up and down my pant leg.The first coherent thought I remember having was that she was humping against my leg like you sometimes might see a dog do. It was that weird thought that finally galvanized me into action. I grabbed Jane by her waist with both my hands, lifting her up bodily, then moving her off of me. I twisted my own body sideways, and let go of her, just as I lifted up off of the sofa. Her face was red, not pink, not flushed. It looked like she had been boiled or something. I looked over at Bill and Kate, and both of them seemed shocked as well."Jane, what was all that?" I wondered if she would be able to respond to me."What do you mean?" She was breathing hard when she said that. Her nostrils were dilated because of her attempts to get sufficient oxygen into her lungs. From start to finish, we aren't talking about more than two minutes time elapsing. He has wrote me poems, planned a holiday to India and planted a commitment tree in the garden. I don't doubt that he's sorry.But he still has to sleep in the spare room while I work on coming to a decision on our future.A big part of me wants to leave him as I understand our marriage will never be the same. Our love has lost its innocence. The wounds of betrayal still fester under the band-aides of hope and forgiveness.There is no point in hiding it, I want revenge. And I want it bad. I want to make Chris feel the same pain I did. I want to make him pay for what he did in every sense. He is going to suffer. He is going to cry.I'm going to break Chris.Only then can we begin to build each other up and realise what we have is worth saving.I'm going to sleep with another man. I want to know what it feels like to make love… no, not love. I want to know what it feels like to have sex. Hot dirty sex. Sex without commitment. Sex without strings. Chris did it. Why can't I?I will.I just need.
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