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Normally the Clarke's families would have remained on board, like those of a cube ship's crew, but Hesperus was technically the Front Lines, placing the vessel in harm's way. Kids and nonessential concubines would have to stay behind.Captain Todmorton was inspecting his ship. With trepidation, he entered the Geophysics Lab, and stopped dead in his tracks as he beheld the scene before him ... As expected, none of the Sciences Division's oddballs were wearing duty blue. They seemed to be wearing Oxford College robes and conical hats."A little short for gnomes, aren't we?" he asked as the room came to attention. As every officer and concubine swung toward him, he realized what the conical hats read: "Dunce".Ah, he realized. A Confederacy of Dunces. He half-expected to discover soft drink bottles bearing the name of the long-defunct Dr. Nut scattered across the lab tables.He approached the bearded leader of this particular bunch of dunces, Lieutenant Payne. "I understand you're objecting. Months passed. Years passed. I had lost count of the years that had passed, but I recollect quite a number of changing seasons from summer to winter to summer to winter. I sensed that I had aged quite a bit. Not once, even for a moment, had I been unshackled and removed from their toilet-slave mechanism since the day they installed me. Over half of my life had been spent inside a single room--a bathroom, subsisting on nothing except female human waste and other body excreta (except for that one time that she fed me spit-soaked pre-chewed chocolate cake).The house had changed over several times in the years that passed. Laurie married her boyfriend and moved out a year or so after they took that final vote to keep me. Janet moved in to take her place. I missed Laurie for the longest time. Janet was strict about respect and silence, and seldom had anything to say to me.Erica, too, went through a couple of boyfriends, then got married and moved out a few years after Laurie. Jill and.
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